Things in my head and my heart

Let me start off by saying, I wasn't sure if I was going to post this. I open my heart wide, I play all the cards. This has been on my heart for a long time. Those of you here in Korea, who have noticed something "wrong" with me. This is what I have been thinking about. I'm not sure I want to share this. It leaves me vulnerable.

This hasn't been an easy journey. I've had a lot to deal with and a lot to carry. I didn't have the best start, I even thought about going home. I wanted very much to leave. I really began to wonder why I would get sent somewhere, where it was worse then before. I had trouble imagining that things could be worse than my previous situation. I went through numerous struggles so I did a lot of reading. I was reading Streams in the Desert, The One Year Book of Hope, and lots of other things by very wise people who know more about God than I do. I let the people back home know about those things that I need prayer for, and I focused on understanding. I needed to understand why God brought me to place where there was very little support. Where it seemed like nobody wanted to help or had any concern about me and my well-being.

Of course, I also thought that God had brought me here to reach and teach children. I felt that this might provide a little break for the stresses of being a "real" teacher. That maybe this was how God was going to refocus me back on teaching and fix some of the damage that was done. Oh, was I wrong?!

See, God has a plan. God made my heart ache in a certain way. God sees the bigger picture. God also has all of the map. I am more aware of this than before, God knows what he is doing. He also knows the best way to get from point A to point B. He has shown me that sometimes I can't see point B, and I think that point A is fine. He knows that if He makes point B look similar to point A, it might appeal to me.

Now that I've rambled pointlessly, what is the point? Well, first I had to open my ears and listen. Then I had to look around and notice that something else I was doing felt right. I was using my energy and it didn't seem like it was being wasted. I had found a group of people who were in my shoes, and I was spending a lot time with them. I listened to what was going in their lives, and my heart broke. My heart broke in ways it never had before. My heart has been broken before. My heart had to break in a different way, so I could move from point A to point B.

I went into Mexico, and I saw how those people lived and my heart broke. It didn't break like this though. I spent many weeks in Mexico building house safter that summer. In fact, I built about 10 houses. The whole point of that wasn't to build houses. It was for me to develop that care for others, I have in me. Those of you that know me, know that I love to take care of other people. This is where it developed. I had groups of mostly youth to take care of and look after there. I had these groups that need me to help them out. I was in my element. I was using the gift, I loved using most. I love to be a servant. When I started this house building though, I didn't love it like I do now. So, you can see why point A looks appealing. I'm happy there, it's something I love, and at first, the only aspect I saw of point B is that I couldn't do this house building anymore. However, after looking at point B a little more, I see that point B is just that, being a servant all the time. Point B is taking care of people.

Another part of this path, I began to work with children. It didn't take much for me to fall in love with them. So I went to school to be a teacher. I worked hard, and a graduated with my Elementary Degree. I went off looking for a job. I found one in a school district that really didn't have support and wasn't doing very well. It was under a lot of pressure. I stuck it out for two years. Although looking back, I probably shouldn't have. I should have left after the first year. I wasn't listening to God to well at that point in my life. I was pretty sure I was the one with the map and the big picture. I was wrong. The great thing about God is that during that time, He still used me, and sent blessing my ways. Of course, I also paid the consequences for being outside of God's will. God had every right to walk away, and leave me in the hands of destruction, but He didn't. I have this wonderful strong friendship with Jackie because of it. I got another church that feels like it is my family. It also started my friendship with Tiffany. I got to teach some amazing students. I got two years with one of my best friends, Angela. Those are some of the blessings. On the other hand, my confidence was shattered. I spent most of the summer too upset to do anything but really sit around and feel sorry for myself. It was the first time in my life, that I was worried that I had let my father down. (Daddy, if you read this, and I did, please don't tell me.) It delayed my coming to Korea.

So there is point A. Where is point B? What does point B entail? Well, lets go back. I said, my heart broke in a way it never had before. It broke for these poor teachers. Most of the people who come here to teach, are young when the first get here. Most are just out of college, are a few years out. The hardest part, is that they are just kinda tossed in. They really aren't to sure of anything. It can be a little overwhelming and little scary. Those that know God, easily forget that He is there for them. They lose sight of who He is. The hogwon isn't much help and has little support. I want to be that help, I want to be that support. I want to help them keep their focus on God, and for those that don't believe, I want to show them, that He is really all they need. I want to develop a ministry that focus on their needs, and wants. I want to develop a ministry that cares for them. They are forgotten. They are thrown into the deep end of ugly murky water. They are dropped of in the middle of nowhere with nothing. I want to be more than a life vest, I want be more than the path out of the woods. I want to pull them out of the water, and place their feet somewhere sturdy and dry. I don't just want to help them out of the woods. I want to supply for their needs and show them way.

I plan to spend the next several years teaching abroad. I want to spend a lot of time in the shoes that I want to minister to. I want to understand all the pain, hurt, unhappiness, and that feeling of being lost. Then one day, I want to settle in a country and start helping. I have figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I want to change things, and impact people. I want to make things better.

So, mom and dad, your daughter wants to be a missionary in Asia.

So, why has there been a struggle to share this. The main reason is I have doubt. I have doubt in myself, and in my God. If I can barely stand to be away from home for 4 months, how am I going to be able to do the rest of my life? I love my churches back home. I miss both RPBC and Trinity. I miss my friends. I miss my dog. I miss my family. I can't tell you what I wouldn't give for a Poppy Bear hug right now. I would give just about anything to hear to my niece say Mickey-Shell. I wish Josh were around to annoy me. I doubt that I really have the ability to do this. Can I be trusted to watch after these people so far away from? Will I do what is right? Will I know how to help them? This is hard to write. What about God? Did He pick the right person for this job? Does He really know my needs? Will He really take care of them? Is this really the path I should be one? What does one do with all this doubt? I have sat down with three books and read that doubt isn't the oppisite of faith. Just because I have doubt doesn't mean that I don't faith. It does mean that I need to work on faith and work through my doubts. Do I have reason to doubt? I am human. I need to work through my doubts, and strenght my faith. The most important thing I need to remember is that I wasn't called to succeed, I was called to be faithful. I was called to listen, to obey. I have no reason not to be faithful. God has provided for me, and will conitue. Even when I wasn't faithful, God still was.

Long time, no blog

For those of you that read my blog and use it as a way to check in on me, I'm very sorry. Things got busy, I left for Busan, and so blogging just got pushed down on the, "I'll do it later," list.

I lost my bank card. Yes, that's right, I lost it. I was grabing money out the atm before going to Dos Tacos, a Mexican restaurant, with Katie, and it wasn't in my wallet. I had to have Vincent write a note in Korean to explain that I lost my card and I needed a new one.

The first missed weekend is that of the 13th. Friday night I went to Pastor's. I had dinner with them and then Jason came over and we played cards. He ended up staying the night too. He also decided to push back rehersals. I got up the next morning and called my dad and wished him a happy birthday. I went and got a massage with Jason and we had lunch. Then we went to the church for the play. Pastor and I walked over to Starbucks and had a drink and a scone together. It was a nice walk and talk with him. Pastor Turner is really growing on me. I'm having to add him to my list of favorite Pastors. We did a run though for the play and then it was show time. It turned out very good. It was a really good play and Jason did a really great. So did the actors. We went out to dinner afterwards. Then Sunday I went over to SIBC for church. After church I went over to Hard Rock for lunch. That pretty much was my weekend.

That last week of work was kinda rough. I had to make tests for my afternoon class. This is something I absolutely hate doing, because I know there are assissment guides that have tests already made and we don't use them. I also had to do report cards. Tuesday, Kelly sat down with Katie and I and told us she doesn't like the way we teach 4th peroid, we shouldn't let the kids play and that we aren't strict enough on the kids. Kelly told us things needed to change or that there would be solutions. She was upset that we hadn't given her an outline yet. I told her I was working on it and had to stop to get the test and report cards done. She didn't like that answer. We told her if she didn't like what we were doing then she needed to give us a plan.

Thursday, I didn't feel well. I felt worn out and over run. So my body played sick and I went to and explained that I couldn't work and I needed to go home and rest. The only way that could happen was if I went to the hospital and saw the doctor there. He wasn't quite sure what to do with me. I wasn't really sick. I told him, I just need the day off. After that ordeal, I went home and slept. I felt better. The next day, we had our Christmas stuff with the kids. It was kinda like halloween, we each picked something to do with the kids and they rotated around to us. With the afternoon we were left to do whatever. Katie and I went to see Twilight. It was a good movie.
Then I went to Pastor's. The Singles' Christmas party was that weekend. Amber and I helped Gayle cook food again. Amber made pie. I made a corn dish. It was very good. We played a white elephant type game. Amanda got an aligator hat, and Jackie got the mouse mittens, I bought. It was a lot of fun. We just kinda hung out the rest of the night. Sunday, I went to church and then in the evening I went to help Suzanne. She was going home and I said I would help her to the airport. The way I looked at it was as practice for the things I'm thinking of doing later on.

Monday I said good-bye to Amanda and helped Suzanne to the airport. Tuesday, I went over to Amber's part of the city. We walked through a park and saw that they had set up an outdoor skating rink. Amber and I went skating. It was a lot fun. I've never been ice skating before. I had a good time and I only fell once. I hit kinda hard. My elbow ended up bothering me for about a day and a half. I went over to hang out with Amber because her school was putting on a Christmas concert. We hung out at her apartment until it was time to go. I had to take a taxi over to the place where they were singing. They did a very good job and it was nice.
Christmas eve, I watched Twilight agian and then went over to work to see if the package from my parents had come and it did. I opened it up. They got me a digital picture frame and loaded pictures on it. I thought that was sweet. They also sent nutty bars. There weren't any christmas pajamas though. It was a little upsetting not to get christmas pajamas, but I am 26 and I suppose I can't expect to get christmas pajamas for the rest of my life. I pack my overnight bag for 5 nights and headed up to Pastor.'s. My church wasn't having a Christmas eve service. I had dinner with Jason. On our way over to the church, I saw a huge pile of Christmas cakes. So I thought I would point out every time I saw a Christmas cake from then on in hopes that Jason would want to share a Christmas Cake with me. I must have said "Christmas cake" about twenty times before he caved in and went shopping for a Christmas cake. We got one from Baskin Robins. The lady asked us if it was here or to go and we said to go and then I looked a Jason and said "For here, we aren't pigs." Then we made our way over to the church. Pastor had a very nice service planned. One of his readers didn't show up, so he asked me if I would read and I did. After the service, Jason and I hid in the corner of the kitchen and ate our cake. We didn't eat it all, but we did eat a pretty good chunk of it. I went home with Gayle and Pastor.

The next morning, I got up and called my parents and talked with my family. Jason and I went to Seoul Sation and got a train ticket to Busan. We went first class. We got into Busan at almost 3:00. We found a place to stay and found some dinner. We had an hour wait for dinner, so we went and walked on the beach for half of that. It was very beautiful.

Friday, we went to the Vesta Spa. We had to go on different floors to soak and sauna. Then we went and got a massage and then soaked again. Afterwards we went back to the beach. Jason wanted to sit in the Starbucks and read, so I went over to the aquirmaum. It was a nice one and it's underground too, which is really neat. Then I went and put my feet in the water. It was cold, but I loved putting my feet into the water. I'm in love with beach towns, they are awesome!
Saturday, Jason and I walked along the beach and then to this park. It was a nice little walk and I had to do a little climbing. As we walked along the path, we came upon the APEC house. It's this big confernce room building. It was very pretty. After that, I went off on my own again. I found this hike that had two waterfalls and two shrines, so I walked that. Afterwards, I walked around looking for a market, but I found the subway instead, so I took the subway back to where I was staying. I walked around there. Then I went over to PC room and checked my online stuff and then started the blog. We had dinner and then bought fireworks at "Buy the Way" (think cicle k) and set fireworks off on the beach. We made sure we far from the "no lighting fireworks on the beach" sign and other people.

Sunday, we had breakfast, we caught a taxi back to Busan station and then caught a train back to Seoul. We had lunch together and then parted ways. I dropped my stuff off at home and then went out to Yongsan. I bought myself and ipod touch for Christmas. Then I walked around Myeong-Dong and looked at stuff. I bought another hat, scarf and mittens. I went back home, to realize that many of the songs I have on my ipod aren't on my computer, so I need to figure out how to transfer songs from my ipod to the computer, I found some free trail programs, but they only let you do 5 songs, and I have a good chunk to transfer, so if you have any suggestion please let me know.

I had a little bit of a rough week. I was left with a lot to think about. I was also pressing myself to make things known to others. I spent a lot of time thinking and a lot of time with Jason and Amanda. It's hard to explain everything. I got upset and now I feel like I'm giving up. I can't win the battle, so I'm walking away. In light of open class, the school has decided to rearrange Katie's and my class. Katie and I spent a lot of time thinking about what would be best for the kids. The school wants to do what will make the parents happy. I don't understand. This is school, it isn't a business. I think that it would be worlds better if they quit looking at it like a business, but they won't. So I'm done. I have nothing to help them with. I am not here for the parents. If they would just tell the parents we have the students' best interests in mind. Kelly lied. She really didn't want me here to improve the school. She wanted me here because of little piece of paper I own and the words on it. She thinks having people with a certain degree will make her school better. I read a proverb and it is right, "You can pound a fool and the foolishness will never come out." It's the message version. So I'm no longer pounding fools.

I went to dinner with Jason and Amanda on Tuesday. Then Jason and I went to get glasses. I got glasses and contacts for 85,000 won. Then on Wednesday Jason, Amanda, Katie and I went to Hard Rock for dinner and then to pick up our glasses. Katie and I went shopping. Friday, I had dinner with Jason and Amanda at Hard Rock again.

had play practice on Saturday, I got up and went. It was so cold. I had lunch with Amber and David at the Express bus terminal. Then I went to Insa-dong. I finished my christmas shopping. I can't find wrapping paper. I'll probably just send them unwrapped.

Sunday, I went to church at SIBC. I then went to lunch. We hung out until it was time to go back to church and see the Children's Christmas program. It was really sweet and they did a great job. It snowed Sunday morning. It was amazing. It was beautiful. It was pretty cold too. It was really nice.

I know there is more to write about. Many of you probably have questions and are wondering what comes next. I have some people I need to talk to before I can share more. I'm hoping that Gayle will let me be selfish so I can call my dad on his birthday. I hate waiting. I got a card from Hilda last week. I haven't heard from Tammy in awhile. She might have gone to pick up Esther.

Thanksgiving Weekend

The week was pretty good. Katie and I went to dos tacos together Tuesday night. We decided that once a month we would go and get tacos for dinner together.

Friday was open class. The parents thought that the class was boring. Oh, well. If they wanted a show they should have hired an actor or a monkey. I'm a teacher. I teach, that's what I do. The point was for parents to see what happens here. After open class, I went to lunch with the other teachers. That was nice. After school, I got on a subway and headed to Pastor's. I spent the whole weekend there. Jason was there. We had dinner together. The four of us. Jason had me rolling on the floor laughing. He was telling Amber how mad Gayle and I were because she wasn't there cooking the pumpkin pies. Jason also picked on me. He would take my book and start reading it. A couple of times he went to the end and started reading. I told Pastor I wanted a new brother. Jason, Amber and I decided we are going to Busan for Christmas. I'm very excited because there is a cake buffet there. 15,000 won and I get all the cake I want.

On Saturday, Amber and I got up and started cooking. Jason came over to give us a hand. That's when it started to feel like Thanksgiving. Jason and I walked down to get Hun and Katie. We walked down that huge hill twice and up it twice. We ate and talked. Afterwards we went to the Bungalow and sat around and talked. Amanda is sure that she knows Katie.

On Sunday, I got up and went to church. Pastor Dan is a good preacher. After church, I went back to Pastor Turner's. We had leftovers for lunch. Then we sat around and talked. We messed around with Gayle's facebook. We had a good laugh. The plan was to go to Meong-dong and get glasses, but we were all too happy on turkey to go. We sat around and played cards. After that Amanda and I went to the Express bus termial and I got my niece's Christmas present. It was much cheaper than what I thought I would pay. Amanda and I had dinner. She and I talked for a long time. She also got to see my wonderful talent of how much I can eat.

As for me, I'm doing well. I still get a little homesick, but it's not consuming. I really like Korea, as long as I'm not at work. I hate that they treat this like a business. I was really happy to get here this morning to find, they didn't order enough books for my kinder phonics class. They tried to blame Christine, but it wasn't her fault. Christine really does more than her share and they don't thank her. It's only been three months, and I'll be glad to leave Primas Kids when the time comes. I however think I'll struggle with walking away from Korea. I've made so many friends and love the people in my life.

I go and get new glasses on Tuesday. They are much cheaper here. Jason tells me I shouldn't pay too much. That'll be nice. I looked at things and I'm pretty much booked up untill after new year's. I have play practice, and the play. Then the Christmas party and Christmas. I really can't wait. Lots to keep me busy and my mind off of what I'm missing back home. They say month three and four are the hardest. Month three was November and month four is Christmas, so I think it is twice as hard, but I really want to stay. I love my friends and most of my students.

To my parents

I love you both very much. I also see now how wonderful you have been to me while I was growing up. I know that what you wanted was for things to be better for me than they were for you. All your actions came from love. I'm reading a book right now. It's called Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. It was talking about family and I read this one part and I thought about you. Here it is.

Quiet heroes dot the landscape of our society. They don't wear ribbons or kiss trophies; they wear spit-up and kiss boo-boos. They don't make the headlines, but they do sew hemlines and check the outlines and stand on the sidelines. You won't find their names on the Nobel Prize short list, but you will find their names on homeroom, carpool and Bibles teacher lists. They are parents, both by blood and deed, name and calendar. Heroes. News Programs don't call them. But that's okay. Because their kids do . . . They call them Mom. They call them Dad. And these moms and dads, more valuable than all the executives and lawmakers west of the Mississippi, quietly hold the world together.

So, that's what I think of you two. I think the world of you two. I love you, Poppy Bear, and Mommy.

Time to be Thankful

It's that time of the year to remember all of the things you are thankful for. So here are all the things I'm thankful for.

First and most important is my father. My father is the greatest man on this earth. He loves unconditionally. I can't begin to list all of the things he has done for me. He has supported me in all the things that I do. When I left my job, he wasn't upset. When I told him, I didn't know if I wanted to teach, he wasn't upset. When I told him I applied to come and teach in Korea, he wasn't upset. When I told him I got the job at DeliEnglish, he was upset. It wasn't the, "I'm mad," kinda upset. It was the, "my daughter is leaving for a year," kind of upset. I've called home and e-mailed my dad way too many times, but he didn't care. He offered many times for me to change my mind before I left, and I knew I could have, but once I got here, he wouldn't let me change my mind. My father is a true hero in my mind.

Next would be my mother. She and I have had our fair share of struggles through the years, but in the end, she loves me. She cares about me. She has been a big support in my coming here. She didn't get upset when I left my job. She did start to nag as the summer started to end and I hadn't found a job, but mothers do that. She was there for me as I got ready to be here. She is a good mother.

Next my church family. RPBC is a wonderful church. I miss them a lot. The college group is a great group of people. I miss meeting with them Tuesday nights and Sunday mornings. Jesse and Laura are sweet people. They have been very supportive. Tapestry is a wonderful group of women. Many of them spent the summer praying that God would use me in a powerful way after leaving my job. These women have been a great example in my life. I hope they can contiue to be a postive influence on me. I'm very thankful for the ladies that teach Sparks now. I haven't seen it, but I know I left a group that was willing to fill the hole I left behind. I was very worried about leaving, but the way these ladies stepped up to help was a blessing to me. I wish that I could see them at work. I'm thankful for the Burns family. I wouldn't be sitting in Korea, if they weren't a part of my life. They played a role as big as my parents in getting me here and keeping me here. I learned how to have faith in an amazing God because of them. I'm thankful for Tammy, Kelly, Hilda, Jodi and Jackie. These women remind me that I can do this. These women are there for me in everyway they can be. I'm thankful for Pastor Lord. He is a wonderful Pastor. I'm thankful for the pleasure he shows in sending me off. He is always very excited to send me on my way. He is a very caring man, and I know that God is the center of his heart.

I'm thankful for the friends I've made here in Korea. I love Amanda. I love that Amanda wants to make everybody happy. I will miss her when she is gone. I love Amber. She is sweet, thoughtful, and helpful. I love Crystal. She is always good for a laugh. I love Jackie. She gets me to think about things. I will miss her when she is gone. I love Brandy. I love looking at the pictures of her students. It's great to have someone around who is in love with Kinders as much as I am. I love Hun. I have so much fun going around Korea with him. I love Suzanne. She brought me to this wonderful group of people. I will miss her when she is gone. I love Jason. He is my Korea best friend. He seems to understand, he also cares. He has said some things that were hard for me to take in, but his heart is in the right place and that is what matters the most.

I'm thankful for Pastor Turner and Gayle. They welcome me into their home. They let me make a mess of their kitchen and cook and bake. They make my heart happy. I feel like I have family and I'm at home when I'm in their home. The number of blessings I have recieved from these two wonderful people are already countless.

I'm thankful for my coworkers. Christine is helpful. I can ask her for advice and she will give it. Mike is canandian, but I won't hold that against him. He has let me know that it's ok to stand for them to walk on me. I can also go to him when I need help with dealing with kids. He is a pretty good guy. I'm thankful that Erik hasn't said anything mean or beat me down. Erik shares an office with me. He has to deal with all the annoying wierd Michelle-ness. He does a pretty good job. He does leave me alone in the office every now and again; I think it is because I have driven him past the point and leaves instead of hitting me or saying mean things to me. I'm thankful for Katie. She has been a good friend. It has been nice to have someone to travel with.

I'm thankful for my friends back home. I'm glad Tiffany and I are friends. It's great how encouraging she can be. I'm glad that I've reconnected with Kelsie. I don't mind that it is only through the internet. I'm thankfu for Jim and how well he takes care of my dog. I'm thankful for Kerry, Hagan, and Ashlee. I don't know that I would have made it through this summer without them.

I'm also thankful for Amor Ministry; the staff and everyone I've met through it. I'm thankful for Jeff and Erin. I'm thankful for Jonathan, Chelsea, Lyndsie, Pamela, Howie, and anyone else on the field team. I'm thankful for Brian, Jim, Jeff and Leona. I will miss you all this year.

I'm thankful for my Aunts. They have been very helpful and loving.

I know that I've missed some people. I am thankful for you. If you are reading this, you are a part of my life and have touched it. I am thankful for every person that has passed through my life. Every person has made an impact on me and made me who am I today.

Life in The ROK

Life is still going. Things are still happening. I had a pretty much a normal week. On Thursday, I had to explain to Vincent that 5 year olds are like that. Sometimes, they don't want to play with the other students. It doesn't matter how cool we think Ian is sometimes nobody wants to play with him, that day. I then had so explain that I didn't go to a business college, I went to a teaching college, and that I work at school, not a business. When he treats it like a business, I don't care.

Friday we had birthdays. I was really happy. I had three pieces of cake. They were all really good. Two pieces were kinda big. Mike was amazed at how much I could I eat. Katie and I walked to bus stop together. We approached by small children. Lydia and Gabina live in the apartments on the corner we by to get to the bus stop. It turns out that the strawberry bench is a bus stop for school buses. They walked us to the bus stop and they stood at the stop and waved at us. We waved at them. There was this guy standing at the bus stop and I guess he saw us waving at the girls, but he didn't see the girls, so he waved at us. Then he turned and saw the girls and stopped waving at us. He probably felt really stupid at that point in time. Katie and I laughed about half way home.

Saturday, I called my parents. I had to talk them and let them know things are getting busy. By the looks of it I may not be able to call home until next year. I have thanksgiving, play practice, the play itself, the Christmas party, and then Christmas. I know mom will worry a little, but as long as I am blogging, and posting pictures there is nothing to worry about. In fact, dad that is what you should tell mom, when the blogging and the pictures stop then it is time to worry about me. I went to two museum with Hun. We went to the War Memorial Museum. I learned some about the wars that were in Korea. Then we went to the national museum of Korea, which was kinda boring. It only had artifacts in cases. I like to see the artifacts but I also like to see models of stuff also. We went when it was free, so I wasn't too upset. I meet Amanda and Jason for dinner. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe. Then we went to bar and hung out.

Sunday, I went to church. I like listening to Pastor Dan preach. He is very good. After church I meet up with Katie and we went to myeondong. We did some shopping. I got some cute tops. None of them are pink, for those of you who are wondering. I bought a awesome hat. Katie got mustard colored pants. This is great find in her book. After that, Katie needs some DVDs so we went over to Yongsan to the DVD guy. I wanted the last of twilight books, so we went to the bookstore over in yongsan. We had pizza and then called it a day. It was a pretty good weekend.

Korea feels more and more like home. I still get homesick, but I know that I'm being prayed for because it is less of a battle. I'm not going ask to come home early. I like the kids, my friends, and my coworkers. I can deal with the junk that Kelly threw at me through Vincent. Friday is open class. This means that a bunch of parents are going to come to the school and watch me teach. Kelly is a little worried because she sat in on my class today. Alice and Daniel aren't preforming monkeys and then kinda closed up on me. I told her it was her fault. She's worried that they be like that on Friday and it is quite possible. I don't really care. It doesn't bother me. I won't be up to top notch either because I don't like teaching in front of adults.

There will probably be two more blogs this week. One about what I'm thankful for and the other about my students.

If I had favorites

I really love the students I teach. I don't make too obvious that I've got a favorites. My students can a attest to that. I made them all feel special and loved but in my mind they are special and I love them. Normally, I won't admit who my favorite is until after school is out. Last year, I had my friends say Sebastian, Angel, Lorena and Citilia were my favorites. I told them all through the school year, I don't have favorites, but after school got out I admitted. I did say once that if I had favorites, one would be Sebastian. So if I had a favorite, here they are.


This is Alice. I'm sure that if you been looking at my pictures you know how cute she can be. Alice is one of my kinders. Alice might as well live at the school. Most morning she gets there before me and she leaves after. I work from 9:00-5:30 just to give you an idea how much time Alice spends at school. She is the happiest child I have ever seen. Alice is very sweet. She has taken candy out of her mouth and offered it to me and Katie teacher. She is in love Erik teacher. When she cries it breaks my heart. This pictures was taken while I was teaching in the Afternoon. She is laying in the hallway watching my teach. She is just the sweetest little thing I've ever seen. I think the cutest thing she does is sing the Erik teacher song. Here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy_0hGRC9kQ

I aslo teach Katie teacher class for one period. There are two students from her class that I just adore and would probably take home if I could get away with it.

You can't get much cuter than Emily. Her English sometimes amazing me. She learns so quickly. She moves slow though. She is last one drinking her milk in the mornings. The other day during class Eric was walking on the tables and Emily said, "Not on the tables." I was surprised. She also has come to Katie teacher and I and said "Daniel go in the bathroom girls'" So it's not perfect, but she's 5 and it's her second language. When we were at the zoo, the kids would get to the animals and say Hello whatever. We got to the elephants and I hear in a very deep manly kinda of voice, "Hello elephants." It had come from Emily. She is very bouncy and happy. She is just adorable.


This is Any. That's right Any. Don't ask me, I'm not the one who picked her English name. I think that maybe it should Annie but the Korean teacher messed it up. She started out as one of our Afternoon students. Erik Teacher and Kristen Teacher had the pleasure of teaching her. Her parents liked the school so much, they moved her into out kinder program. They were going to put her in my class, but for whatever reason, they put her into Katie's class. She is very cute and sweet. She is also very smart. She is another one that is very happy. She likes to sit with me during end circle time. I work with her and sometimes I tell her the answers. I think it's so cute. She'll tell you that she loves you. She is also in love with Erik teacher. She will walk back his room and stare in the window and watch him teach. Whenever she sees him, she'll yell out Erik teacher Erik teacher.


Ian is my favorite that I don't teach. He is in Tinkerbell class. There is just something about Ian that makes you fall in love with him. He has a great personality and enough to spare. He is also Mike's performing monkey. Mike will teach him to do things and he'll do it. Mike taught him to make him point his hands like guns, wink one eye and make this clicking sound. When he does it's so cute. Mike taught him this dance and he doesn't have it quite right, but it is still funny. He has this belt he like to wears. He'll wear with his uniform over his uniform shirt. He is an obsession with belts. He will walk over to me and left up my shirt to see if I'm wear my belt and then he'll "Michelle Teacher belt." His English is pretty good. There are times when he say things that makes it clear it is his second language, but there are times he'll say something and it's amazing. There was one day in end circle, they were learning about using the word not. One of the sentences was She is not nice. Ian came up to me and said, "She is not nice is the sames as she is very mean." Yup, Ian that's right.

Wendy is also pretty cute. She is also in Tinkerbell class. She is the one of the youngest in the school, but her English is probably the best. She gets very jealous though. She likes to have all the attention. She has climbed into my lap and pushed the child that was there right out. She is pulled Christine teacher to the ground because she was kissing another student. However there is something about Wendy that makes you love her. She is very sweet.

This is Sandy. Yes, I'm sure it is Sandy and not Ally. Sandy is at school for most of the day. She attends kinder and then on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, she is in one of my afternoon classes. She is very cute and sweet. She tries very hard. I don't know what draws me to her, but I love her. She is as cute as the come.



This is Lydia. Lydia is in one of my afternoon classes. She hadn't caught my eye until recently. In class she is very quiet and very shy. However, she has opened up to me and become attached to Katie and I. I think it was the day we spent in the hallway. She gets off the bus at the Strawberry bench. She will either wait for Katie and I or she will come running to Katie and I. She greets us and walks with us to our bus stop.



This is Gabina. She has enough personality for three or four people. She has the greats facial expressions. When she reads it is a hoot. She use different voices all the time. She also gets off at the Strawberry bench and she waits with Lydia. She is a very sweet kid. Her English is amazing. This is Gabina reading Cinderella, so you have an idea of how my science goes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gyUjAXkYqI


So these are children, that if I had favorites it would be them. When I have left I will admit that they are my favorite.

Things that will be weird when I come home

I relieze things are different here. Some of those things I'm getting use to and others will take more. Some of these will stick around when I go back to America so I've started a list of things I have to get use to or change when I come home.

1.) When entering any place I will take my shoes off.

2.) I will look for the bathroom light switch outside the bathroom.

3.) I will not understand the purpose of a shower curtain.

4.) Nor will I understand the tub either.

5.) I will look for the remote when I want to adjust a/c.

6.) I will be surprised that I will know what the commercials are about.

7.) I will think I can walk to just about anywhere.

8.) I will want go and get a shrimp burger

9.) I will wonder why I can't have fries on pizza.

10.) I will have to teach and my students will have to learn on Fridays.

11.) I will have to dress professionally when I get back, no more of this jeans everyday.

12.) I will want to use chopstick when I eat.

13.) I will wonder what sub to take to get somewhere.

14.) When I go to a meeting, I'll be surprised to get an agenda

15.) When I get an agenda, I'll be surprised that it isn't in Korean.

16.) I will wonder why I can't take my shoes and socks off and play in the fountains.

17.) I won't have to ask people to write down what I want when I go to the store or bank.

18.) I will have to come up with new inside jokes.

19.) I will tell people to go wash their hair in the sink or be quiet and I will be the only one laughing.

20.) I will want to open yahoo mess anger while I'm at work and talk with Jason.

21.) I will be surprise all the things I will know how to work because I can read.

22.) I will be surprised at all the new music that came it and everyone else will think the song is old.

23.) I will be surprised at how warm the winter is back home.

24.) I will miss my DVD guy.

25.) I will attempt to spend every other Saturday at Pastor Lord's. I will probably insist on cooking lunch for his family.

26.) I will want to write letters and send pictures to Hilda and Tammy.


Here are the photo websites they both have new photos

http://michellespicturesinkorea.shutterfly.com/

http://michellespicturesofdek.shutterfly.com/

I'm going to freeze in this country

I learned that many banks in this country are not very nice. On Thursday, Vincent took Katie and I to the banks. We talked with them and Vincent didn't like what they had to say and one wouldn't give us our card for three months. (If you do the math, in three months, it'll be half over) Not worth the wait. So on Friday we went over to KB and they were much nicer, and much better. Listening to Vincent talk with the bank people, you heard them say wayguk, which is Korean for foreign. The way the bank said it kinda made you think of the way people use stereotypes back home. I've never been on the negative end of a stereotype before. It just seemed rude and unpleasant. But now I have a bank and things are good.

On Friday, we went to the zoo. It didn't rain this time. The kids had a good time they really enjoyed the zoo. It was a nice little zoo. We walked around and say some of the animals. Jenifer Teacher took my camera and took pictures of us. There is a really nice picture of Daniel, Alice and I. It's really sweet. That night I meet up with Jason, Crystal, and Amanda. We had dinner at Dous Tacos. It was really good. It's kinda like the Mexican food, I get back home. After wards we went to Rainbow and sat around and talked. Amanda told us that she has to move and there is no shower in her new place. She was told to wash her hair in the sink. So now we tell each other to go wash your hair in the sink. Crystal and Amanda tried to talk me into getting rid of Martio now. I don't think I can do that. I feel like Martio is one of reasons for going home and if I tell Jim to find a home for her, I might not want to go home. I need to go home. I feel it will help me transition form here to the next call.

On Saturday, I got up and went to Pastor's. I made a taco salad and cookie dough brownies. They enjoyed the both the salad and the brownies. The brownies, so much that Jason kept asking why I wasn't in the kitchen making more. Gayle picked on me a little saying prep time was 10 minutes and cook time was 20 minutes, so what was taking lunch so long. We hung out and talked. Jason told scary stories. We went and got dinner at Hard Rock. We passed my camera around taking self portraits. Then we went back to Pastor's. We played cards. Jason, Amber and I decided to go to Busan for Christmas. Amber and I looked at Hot Springs Spa they have there. I like going over to Pastor's. When I do, I feel like I have family. It makes it easier to be here. I think when I get back, I'm going to tell Pastor Lord, I need to spend Saturday at his house. It'll help with my transition back into American.

On Sunday, I went to church. After church I had lunch with 20 somethings from SIBC. We went to this Indian place and it was pretty good. They were kind of slow. It was good food though. After wards, I went to Yongsan and picked up some more DVD. I got 5 season and 22 movies. I should be set for the more than the next month. That's about it. Everything seems to be going well.

I'm about to freeze here. It is so cold. You really have no idea. I went and bought a heating mat. I couldn't find blankets. The heating mat is a great idea, the heat rises and I got my amor Mexican blanket on top, so that holds in all the warmth. I was very warm and cozy last night. However walking to the bus and work, I think I'm just going to freeze into a big ice cube one day.

Good Song

For those of you who don't know music is a big thing to me. It can invoke thoughts, feelings and completely change my emitions. I had a close friend of mine compare my lack of music to the similar effects of a lack of alchool to someone who was addicted. He is probably right, I would start a horrible withdrawal if I didn't have music. Some have taken note of my status which states i'm having an inner struggle. This is one of the songs that is helping me through it.

Just a Little Girl Lyrics:
She's always trying to be This independent girl That is never in need (I'm trying very hard to be this, but I'm not succeed at all.)
Twenty years in this town She still relies on me To find her way around (I've found that I do rely on people to feel secure and most of them are miles away. It also seems that ones I relied on the most I have little to no contact with)

Because she's just a little girl Time isn't holding her down (I do feel like time doesn't matter, and that I'm just a little girl)
Well she's just a little girl She never needed a crown She just wants somebody around Who won't laugh when she laughs too loud (that's right, I don't really want to be special, I want someone who won't laugh at me)
She just wants somebody to see She's just a little girl (I don't think anyone sees how I'm just a little girl)

When I think too much Voices in my head Are silenced by her touch She hates being alone (I do hate being alone)
Baby talks to me When we're on the phone (I miss the hours I use to spend on the phone with someone)

Because she's just a little girl Time isn't holding her down Well she's just a little girl She never needed a crown She just wants somebody around Who won't laugh when she laughs too loud She just wants somebody to see She's just a little girl

In a world that moves too fast She's afraid she'll never last (I really feel this world moves too fast and is too big)
But if she holds the faith of a child She'll be alright She'll be alright (I'm trying very hard to hold to my faith)

Because she's just a little girl Time isn't holding her down Well she's just a little girl She never needed a crown She just wants somebody around Who won't laugh when
she laughs too loud She just wants somebody to see She's just a little girl She's just a little girl She's just a little girl


I know this doesn't show too much insight what I'm struggling with, but some of it needs to released.

I almost forgto to blog

It's Tuesday, normally I blog on Monday. I'm sorry. Things are getting busy and taking up my life. I was busy finishing up some letters and take care of things yesterday. Today is a holiday. It's not the kind of holiday where things closed down, I still had to work. It is Pepero day. A day where you buy pepero and give it to people. Pepero are these cracker sticks, they kinda taste like animals crackers or graham crackers and they are covered in chocolate or they have chocolate in the inside. 11/11 is pepero day. So that's today, but let's go back to what you missed.

I felt this year when it came to the election, I was luck in many ways. I didn't get to see the smear ads that the rest of the world had to watch. I also went to bed at start of the election day. I went to bed about 10 pm here which was about 6 am Tuesday in AZ. I woke and got to work and opened the internet to CNN.com and the polls on the east coast had just started closing. It was very nerve wrecking to watch the polls and see how things go. I had to start teaching and only a few polls had closed, I think it was 16 to 3 McCain at that time. Katie and I took our kids to bathroom at the same time, so she would watch my kids and I would run to the office and hit refresh. By lunch time, we kinda knew that Obama had it, but it wasn't official. He needed about 70 more. After lunch, Katie and I took our kids into the gym. I opened up starfall, so they could practice their letter names and sounds and build their vocab. I opened up another window and went to CNN.com. I would refresh CNN while I waited for Starfall to load. About 1:15, I refreshed and Obama had won. I was a McCain supporter, so this was a little upsetting. I felt that McCain would do a better job of fixing things in our country, but I guess not. God knows what He is doing and there is a reason that he is now in charge of our country.

The rest of the week was good. We had science the kids are great and did well. They like to do science and really enjoy it. I also picked up my alien registration card this week. I can now go get a bank account and won't have to carry home millions of won in my backpack.

On Saturday, I went to another palace. I had my Korean friend Hun meet there. We walked around and talked. He is very nice guy. After the palace, he took me over to the Korean house. The Korean house is where the king lived when he didn't want to be at the palace. They had a neat little festival thingie going on and I didn't really see the Korean house. After the Korean house, we went over to Seoul North Tower. We just walked around the bottom, we didn't ride up the tower. There were a bunch of locks on the railing at the tower. We you love someone, you go to the tower and buy two locks, you each write a message and then lock your locks together and throw the key over the side. My dad made a joke about a bunch of Korean running around with key shaped dents in their heads. Hun and I had dinner, and parted ways.

On Sunday, I was low on money, and warn out from all the sightseeing that I went to warm bed baptist church and Pastor Pillow had a good message (aka I slept). I called home and talked with my parents and my nephew. I had play practice, so I traveled up to the other church. When going places, it is easiest to find them, if you go out the right exit. I went out exit 2 when I should have gone out exit 4 and then I began to wonder why nothing looked right. So I turned and saw that I came out exit 2, so I crossed street and walked over to exit 4 and found my way. Amazing isn't it.

Monday was pay day, I found out early in the morning that they didn't plan on paying me until I had my bank account. I made it very clear that today was pay day and I was getting paid. Somebody must have been praying back home. Things have gotten easier to deal with the staff since Vincent got here. Kelly doesn't always see or understand things from my side. Vincent seems to understand. Things get taken care of with way less stress when dealing with Vincent. I have feeling that someone was pray I would have less stress whoever it was, thank you. I finished writing my letter Tammy on Monday. She asked if my friends or I need something. I knew something that Katie, Kristen and Erik could all use or liked, but I didn't know about Mike. So I asked him, if there was anything he would like from the states. He is from Canada. He thought of two things he would really like and wrote them down. He was kinda amazed that someone who barely knows me, would want to do something like. He said his friends back home wouldn't do anything like. After I left the office he told Katie, that kinda makes you want to go back to church.

As for me, I'm doing ok. I have things that need prayer, but I'm not sure I can list them all. I told Pastor Lord, and J20, that I'm battling homesickness. It's not like in the beginning. It's different. I won't have a bad day. It'll be a good, normal day and I'll sit down and this want to go home will just wash over. It's hard because it just consumes me. I try hard to push it away but it won't always go away. So pray for that. The best way to explain what it does to me is like this. Last month, I knew in my heart that I should be. I knew that I could be away for a year. I knew it in my heart that I was strong enough to do this, but now this month, I don't know that anymore. I also have other things I'm sorting out that need prayer. But that is it for now.

I love you and miss you.

Some Wisdom

I have three different books I'm reading right now. I read them in my quiet time. I've been doing a pretty good job reading. I'll admit it's not perfect. I have missed some days, one the weekends, and the one morning I woke up at 7:45 and I walk to the bus at 8:20ish. However, I do catch up when I've missed. Streams in the Desert, this is very good book. It is dated and I started reading in August when I got here and that is where I started. Another one is Women in the bible. It picks a woman from the bible and tells about her. It's only has Monday thru Friday, but I read it everyday. The last is The One Year Book of Hope. It has five days per week, but I read it every day. I'm in week 12. This week is on Miracle. I really thought about skipping that part. I kinda feel like Nancy (the author). I've never seen a miracle. I've never experienced on either. I know that my God has done them. The closet I've been to a miracle is Pastor. When I started the singles group Pastor was in hospital. He had some internal bleeding. He is out now. The bleeding stopped. I don't look at this a miracle, I look at more like a healing.
Nancy said something in her book that supported the way I feel about myself and also hints that I might be in the mist of a miracle. I've had told people, I'm not special. I'm pretty plain. Some of looked at me as though it is low self-esteem. I think not. I want very much to be ordinary. Now you may think this is odd or even weird. This is not the world's view on things. The world says you should make yourself special, and feel free to step on some toes along the way. Now, I never I didn't want to be special, but I'm not the one to make special and I'm not going to step on toes in order to do it. This is want Nancy and I agree whole heartedly that she is right. The secret of his power to transform what is ordinary into something extravagantly useful to God. Only Jesus can transform the ordinary water of my days into something brimming with life. So now when I say I want to be ordinary, I don't think it shows low self-esteem. I think it is admitting to what I am. It also shows where I can be taken. Do I think I"m something extravagantly useful to God? Not yet. That's right did you catch, not yet. I've opened myself up to God and allowed Him to start the transformation. I think one day in my life time, I'll do something and will see the miracle of God's secret.
So now I encourage all you to go out there and be ordinary. Yes, that's right, don't follow the world. You can't make yourself extravagant. You don't have the ability. You could go make yourself extravagant in the eyes world, but when the world fades so will your extravagance. If you let God make you extravagant, that fade because God doesn't fade.
Go be ordinary and wait for the miracle of God's secret.

I don't want to blog

I'm not really in the mood to blog. I'm very contemplative today. I have a lot on my mind, and I don't think that I can share it all. I feel that if I share everything, someone might get upset at me. I just have a lot going on the inside right now and don't really have anywhere to release it. The week well.
I had to give test this week and fill out report cards. I didn't really enjoy that. I had forgotten how to figure percents, but after much struggling with the number I got it. I had to give report cards to kids I've only been teaching for two months, which I think is a little crazy. It was for elementary too, so it was for kids I don't see everyday.
Halloween was Friday. We had a lot of fun with the kids. We bobbed for apples, craved pumpkins, played games and had a parade. We did something similar for the elementary kids too. I wore a fairy custom the school had ordered. Friday night I went out with Jason and Johnny. We went to place in Hongdea, but it wasn't any good, so we went over to Iteawon. On the subway ride, a man told us to be quiet, but we didn't. Jason and Johnny and I danced the night away.
Saturday was singles. I made a pasta salad. It was pretty good. We stayed again this week. Amber made breakfast for dinner. She did a good job. It was very good. Then we played cards. After cards we talked the night. I enjoying going over to Pastor's. I feel like I'm in a family over there. We act a lot like a family does. We encourage each other, we say mean things to each other, we laugh and have a good ole time. The plus side to staying at Pastor's is that it is only a short bus ride to church, so it is easier to get up and go to church.
I went to church. I really like Pastor Dan and SIBC. It's a good church. I had play practice afterwards. So after church, I grabbed a small lunch and headed over to the other church. I practice the play. Afterwards, Amanda, Hun and I went to the movies. Hun is Korean. He was very nice and Amanda and I enjoyed having him along. He tried to teach us some Korean. Amanda did more learning than I did. Hun told us he didn't have any classes, so if we wanted to go see something he would be our guide. I picked a palace and he said he would like to go there, so this weekend we will meet at the subway station.
Part of the things on my mind are how I'm not going to be home for Christmas or Thanksgiving. The past two years, I've started spending Thanksgiving with my friends. Maybe I won't be so upset about missing Thanksgiving. The singles are planning a Thanksgiving dinner the last Saturday in November. That will still be with my friends. I'll have a bigger part in the cooking. I'm having a lot of trouble about not being at home Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year. I love all the fun stuff there is to do at that time of the year. I don't want to miss out on my dad's birthday. I really like picking out a Christmas tree. It is so much fun. The play is on the 13th. I think the only reason, I let Jason talk me into doing it was in hopes, that if I were busy and my thoughts were consumed with something else, I wouldn't think about not buying a tree with my family, or missing my dad's birthday. It's so hard to be away for Christmas. I can't help but think of things I'm missing out on. I'm thinking I'll go to Thailand with Jason and Amber. They have plans on going, so I might join them. It depends on the cost.
I'm also trying to come to terms with the things God has called me to do. I feel that when I'm done in Korea and get to go home, it'll only be for visit and I'll have somewhere else to go. I feel like I have two major things when I get home. One is to find a new home for Martio. That's right Michelle is giving up Martio. It's the one thing in the world, that I love the most, means the most, care the most about, and miss the most. For those of that don't know, that liffle black dog, and I were insepareble. I had lots of trouble leaving her behind. I told one of my friends, that I almost change my mind about going because the person, I wanted to take my dog had said no. I had told her that I prayed that God would change his mind and he would take my dog. God did change his mind and Jim takes great care of my dog. I'm sure Martio is very happy. However when I get home she's going on Craig's list. The other thing, I'm giving up is Project Barnabas. That's another hard to give up. Those that know, it's pretty much the only thing on my mind after the first of the year. I'm get really happy and excited at the end up April. This has been on the greatest things in my life. I feel like Amor is family. It's just as important to me as anything at RPBC. I think fondly of those people. The thought of one last spring breaks my heart, but that is the way it is looking.
I have two things, I've been thinking about doing. Both of them other people have suggest I do. I've had two suggest I get a job teaching on a Base. Kerry didn't have any Base. She said I should just pick any country. My grandfather thinks I should go teach on the one of the Bases in Germany. However his reasons for picking Germany might be a little selfish. I think he wants to travel with his daughter. The other idea that has come up, is going to be with Dinahs for awhile. I was talking with Amanda and she said I should go. I'll think about it.

Tuesday, I took my science class to the park. They had forgotten to bring rocks to class. So we went to the park and got rocks. After we had found the rocks, we went and played in the fountain and the little stream. That was a lot of fun.

Thursday, I went to immigration to apply for my alien registration card. That was a horrible long wait. I left work at about 1:30 and didn't get home until about 8:30. I have to go back next week and pick my card up.

Friday, We had birthdays in Hansel and Gretal classes. We played pass the parcel. The kids sat in circle and passed the parcel around and when the music stopped they unwrapped on layer, until they got to the candy. Then Hansel and Gretal classes give present to the birthday kids. While my class went back to our classroom and did Halloween crafts. Then we did an obstacle course in the gym. It was quite funny to watch some of the little ones try and hula hoop. We were all entrained. I had dinner with Amanda at Mexican place. It was pretty good. I really liked it. I'll have to go back. Then we meet up with Jason and his friend. We went over to rainbow and then hung out. Afterward we went to Iteawon, it was kind boring, so we went home. I bought bunny ears while in Iteawon, mainly because they were there.

Saturday, I went to Olympic park. It was very nice. It started to rain and I didn't bring my umbrella. The museum was free that day. I walked around and saw a lot of things. It's a very nice park with lots of statue. I only took pictures of the statue that caught my eye. There was a museum about the Mongchou fortress. It's now gone and the museum was in Korean, so I can't tell you too much about it. Then I went to the art museum there. I couldn't take pictures of the art and it was abstract stuff anyway. I spent a good 3 hours at the park. I had a really good.

Sunday, I had a play practice for A Make Shift Christmas. We just read through the parts. I think Jason did a really good job. It's a very good play. After that I went to the Royal Tombs. I invited Taewon to come with me. He is from the Single Bible study group, he is also in the play. He said he would go with me. It was very nice. He told me about the histroy of the kings in the tombs. I learned about a little about Korean history. It was a nice weekend.

The school is having a commerical typed on Monday. So far it turns out that I am not good enough to be in the commerical. However, I don't really care. They haven't had anything like being at the real school done. They typed in the library and they are only using the kids they think are cute. June had to get hair and makeup done and when he came back in the room he looked grumpy.

I think that is it. I'm sorry nothing exciting this weekend. Pictures should be up on about Wednesday or Thurday.

Choose the blessings

The week was pretty good. We had science on Friday. It was pretty simple. Two straws, a balloon and a bottle. Daniel and Alice were pretty good. They listened real well. They also had fun with it. On Friday, one of my co-workers made me smile. He is someone, I'm not really sure about. Sometimes, he makes me really upset and irritated. He made a comment about my shirt. It was one of my purple kinder teacher shirts. He said he liked it. Now, I have reason to believe that he didn't really like, however I having a feeling he said it to be nice. I think counts just a much.

I had a choice on Friday on who to have dinner with. I was going over to Pastor and Gayle's house on Friday. I had volunteered to cook lunch for the Single Bible Study. I wanted to make cookies, so I asked Gayle if it would be ok if came over after work. She said it was fine and then asked if I would be there for dinner. I said it would be nice to not have to get dinner on my way up. That was the plan to have dinner there. The school hired three new people and they wanted to have dinner to celebrate them coming. The had planned to have dinner Friday night after work. Now I could change plans and go to Pastor's later, or I could keep my plans. I choose to keep my plans. I just seemed like an easy choice. I can do something that I know would please God or could do something that wasn't against God, but it wasn't for God either. I can tell you that I feel so blessed by my choice to go to Pastor's. I had a good dinner, and talked with wonderful people. I got to bake cookies. Pastor's house has an oven. It's pretty western. I slept in the spare bedroom. It was nice and soft. I also slept well.

Saturday, I got up and had breakfast. I got to sit and talk some more. I cooked lunch. I made mac and cheese. It was pretty good. It's not like back home, but still pretty good. Not many people came to singles. It was probably the smallest I've seen there. They all liked my mac and cheese and my cookies. Jason told me that if I put a plate of mac and cheese and my cookies under box, I should have myself a husband in no time. He even jokingly proposed. Then I called him fat and he broke it off. It's probably for the best, we would have to buy stock in peanut butter and kisses in order to make things work. It was a nice Saturday. Instead of going out to dinner we stayed there and ate what was left of the Mac and cheese. I take this as a good sign because noramlly we head over to Iteawon and eat over there. We stayed in and played pit. Which was fun. Afterwards Jason, Ericia, and I went to the swings. I had a talk with Ericia. I mostly did the talking. I said things that I think I've needed to say out aloud for a while now. I feel like I don't say things out alound until I'm ready to accept them. It felt good to admit, that one reason I left was because of how awful, I felt after resigning, and I need to do some self searching. I also kinda need to step and not get into a relationship that might have happened if I stayed. I'm glad that Ericia was there to talk to. Thanks a bunch Ericia. I needed that. I sat around and talked with Jason, Amber and Crystal for a while. Someone said that it's feels like God is tugging on their heart. Then another thing was said about us being outside and watch the turmoil going on in America and there must be a reason. That God is calling people to this group for a reason. That's something you guys can pray about back home, that we recongize God pulling on our hearts and that he prepare us for whatever He has called us to. I agree that we are all out of America for a reason, but I think that reason has to do with the next steps of God's plans.

Sunday, I went to SIBC. It was nice, they had a missions report. Three men went to India for a Pastor's conference. They had a pinic afterwards. There was lots of food. Mostly what I would find back home at RPBC. It was good to eat. I meet a woman named Pamela. She is from AZ too. She grew up in Phoenix, but they live near Fort Hucuchca. Afterwards I went to Myeon-dong with Sonya. It was nice to walk around and look at all the clothing shops. There was so much to see.

It was a fairly good weekend and I had a good time. I can see the blessings that followed by chosing to go Pastor's house. I think that even if I would have dinner with my work, it would have been a good weekend, but I think it was even better because I did something that was pleasing to God. It was one of those nice happy weekends. I didn't feel any stress. I wasn't upset. I didn't miss the life I left behind. At this point, I know this where I'm suppose to be.

The past week, I've started a little journey. I'd like to call drawing closing to God. I feel God is pulling at my heart, to fix things to do things better. So I started this. I felt there were two people I need to ask them to forgive me. One from a few back in my life. He isn't a Christian and I just wrote a little e-mail asking him to forgive me. His response was that he did forgive me and he hopes that I can forgive him which I have. I wasn't expecting this, as he doesn't believe in God, but God still does things that amaze. Next, I sent an e-mail to someone I had hurt in this past year. I asked him to forgive, and because he was a Christian, I let him that I had forgiven him too. The funny thing is that he's reply was that he didn't know how to respond. I think this shows how much he really believes. I shows me that some of things I thought about him were true. I often that he doesn't really have faith in Jesus and that he was using as a safety net. So I've decided to pray for him. That his faith can grow into what it should be. It's just amazing how the person with no faith in God can be so forgiving and then person who says he is of God isn't forgiving. I thought it might be the other way around. I've been reading a lot on forgivingness, lately. Espically, on me being able to forgive. One thing that every book has said is that when asking for forgiving that the other may not accept it but that doesn't matter. All that matter is that I opened my heart and said I am sorry for doing this. It doesn't matter how the other person respondes. That's for God to take care of and deal. I didn't want to forgive someone because I thought that would make what they did to me right and ok, but I've learned that it doesn't mean that at all. What it is means is that I'm handing it over to God. The hurt and pain and the crushed spirit is now in God's hands. It's for God to deal with. By forgiving, I'm taking the huge stones of hurt and saying here God, you take care of it. I'm allowing God to deal with that person. God is going to take care of the punishment that is due to them for the wrongs they have done.

I have a few others that I need to seek out and ask them to forgive me. For some reason, I'm saving the hardest for last. They are people who have spent many years hurting me. They will probably spend many more years hurting even me. However, I know that I have hurt them too. I know it sounds childish and doesn't make it right, but when I hurt them it is because they hurt me first. I tell my students all them time just because they hit you doesn't mean you should hurt them. However, I do it all the time. These people will lash out at me and I will return the lash. I know this isn't right and I'm going to work on stopping, but it is hard. I have to keep searching. I feel that I have lots to work on before I move forward. I want more than anything for life to be pleasing to my God. I have to make some changes. It won't be easy and I'm sure that it won't be fun either. That is the way with God. Just because you choose to have God in life, it doesn't make it easier, it doesn't make it rainbows and sunshine either. The faith in God makes life better. It's hard for me to explain what it does but it's just different. I know that God gives me what I need to handle each day. God gives just enough for today. Which is why when I'm over exhausted at the end of the day it is because I started to deal with things that were for tomorrow. It is often said that God won't give you more than you can handle and that is true. Most people respond to this with I just wish God didn't trust me so much. I don't feel this way. I'm glad God trusted with things he has trusted me with. I'm honored that God trust enough to do things with me. I 'm glad that God trusted me with building houses in Mexico. I'm glad that God trusted me with taking care of the Mexican people and the groups I worked with over the years. I'm also glad that I did what God wanted me to with these groups of people. I'm glad that God trusted me with two group of kindergarteners in Cartwright Elementary school. I'm glad because if I wouldn't trusted with them, I don't think he would have trusted me with Korean kindergarteners. I glad that He has trusted to take care of the people He has placed in my life. I think on reason He trusts me is because he knows that I will do a good job. I will do my best to take care of them. The next time God hands you something and it seems big and you begin to think I wish God didn't trust me so much, you should praise Him for trusting you enough to handle it. The blessing follow the trusting.

When I am done in the ROK

I find myself thinking about this quite often. I would like to hope this year doesn't go fast, but let's admit, it'll go by very quickly. It'll be time to go home before I know it. Here is the plan for when my time is up.

First, I want to go to Germany. Not only to see my grandpa, but to see some of Europe. I'll probably spend a month or two there. I won't fly all the way from Germany, I'll stop in New York. I'll spend two or three days in New York and then I will drive home. I have some stops along the way I want to make. I want to see some people, and some places. Where I'll go not completely plotted out, but that's ok. My friend Kerry, said she would try to meet me in New York. I think this will be fun. I hope she'll go all the way back to Phoenix with me. I'll probably be home around my dad's birthday. The middle of Dec.

When I get home, I work as a sub. Not what I really, want to do. However it makes it easy to do what I really want to do. I will then spend the whole spring season with Amor, either PB or seasonal staff. Then when I get home from that, I'll find a job as a teacher. That's the plan.

Of course this might have me living at home until August. I don't know about this. I think my parents would be ok. I'll have to think on this some more. I know that Jim is fine with having Martion until November, I asked him, so I don't think he'll mind couple more weeks. If does, I'll ask around for someone to take her for a couple of weeks. I'm pretty sure my parents will be ok with me staying as long as I am working.

Photo sites

I made a website for just DEK pictures. They have links to each other and the blog. The old website is still there, it's just going to have pictures I take outside of school.
Michelle's Pictures in Korea
http://michellespicturesinkorea.shutterfly.com/
Michelle's Pictures of DEK
http://michellespicturesofdek.shutterfly.com/

New Camera, New Church, More Friends

Friday, it was a sad day. We were suppose to go to the zoo. As a kinder teacher at heart, I was very excited. I mean it's the zoo, how much is the zoo. However, it was started raining at about 9:30, which about ten minutes before we were suppose to go downstairs to load the bus. It continued to rain, so when we got there, the Korean teachers decided we should go to the art museum. Not such a great idea, but the kids did well. They wanted to touch, but they couldn't. The rain stopped at about 11:00 when we were getting ready to go back to the bus. Then after kinder was done Friday became a good day. I was sitting at my computer and window popped up from Skype. It was Pastor Charles, wanted to exchange screen names, so I said ok. I chatted with a little through the im. It was nice to talk to him. Then after that, it was in between my classes, Jessica came in the office and said she had mail for me. It was a card and letter from Tammy. I wasn't excepting it so that was good. I cover one of Kristen's classes. It was after 5:30 so I get paid for it. I got paid in cash and then I grabbed dinner and went home to change. I had plans to meet up with Jason and Amanda to go out. I had to be at the bus stop by 8:00. I meet up with them and went to Rainbow. We sat around and talked. I had a good time. Jason asked me if I wanted to be in the Christmas play his church was putting and I agreed. Jason helped me find a taxi and I directed to the top of the hill.

On Saturday, I cover another one of Kriten's classes. I'll bet paid extra for this one two. That about 50,000 won. Which isn't bad. Katie and I had plans to meet at work and go look at cameras in yongson. I found a nice canon for 260,000 won and so did Katie. Here is the crazy thing, there was a pink camera bought and it wasn't me who bought it. We went over and bought DVDs. I got 2 seasons of supernatural, 2 seasons of the office, and about 10 movies all for 50,000 won. We walked around this mall we found it's at the subway sation. I found a new balance stor, but they didn't have anything in my size. We then head for home. I went to e-mart and picked something up and then called it a night. The exchange rate right now is about $.80 to 1,000 won. So I paid fairly good prices.

On Sunday, I got up and went looking for this new church. It's called Seoul International Baptist. It's the same stop as Yongsang, but a different exit. It takes the same amount of time to get there. I have to be at the bus stop at 9:30. I liked it. I came in and sat down, I was a little early. I had to leave time for getting lost, which happened. I came to a fork in the road and wasn't completely sure which one to take. I picked the wrong one. Pastor Dan came over and talked with me. He was very nice and said he was glad I was there. He then sent Melissa over when she had come down from bible study. She talked with me. She invited me to sit with her and her friend Sonia. They invite to have lunch with them. It was a good service, more like RPBC. During the greeting, I talked with this Korean Lady, she lives and teaches in Anyang. She would like to take me home after church one day and have lunch with me. She lives over by the Lotte Mart too. Afterwards, I meet a Russian lady, she is also very nice. She wished me the best. She hoped I would come back. I went to lunch with Melissa and Sonia at the hard rock cafe and ran into the Singles bible study group. After lunch we walked over to store that sold american food. There are two different places. I didn't have a copy of my passport with me, so Melissa showed me where I could get a phone, and she told me if I was getting prepaid, it shouldn't cost more than 100,000 won. So next weekend, I'll go get a phone.

It was nice to go to a church where you are noticed and talked to. Pastor Dan had said this church is mainly about two things. First and most important is the God and kingdom. Second is fellowship. There are many people here, from different cultures and there is probably no way else you would get to me these people, unless you stopped and talked with him wich is true. Where is can you meet and have lunch with american, and canadian. Have a Korean woman what to drive you home, and have a Russian lady wishes blessings on you. I am happy to be here and so glad that God continues to bless me.

I've heard from a few of that you really enjoy reading blog. I'm glad that my time here is blessing the people back home. I have plans of going to the Korean Houses next weekend. I am also going to spend Friday night at Pastor and Gayle's home, and bake cookies, and then cook lunch for the SBG (Singles bible study group). I'm very excited. I had told Jason on Friday that I would be making mac and cheese and he is breaking the deit his trainer setup. :)

Have a good week, and may God bless the things that you do.

Rant

I need to do a little rant. I need to let off a little steam. I'm little upset about somethings here. I need to let it go somewhere, so that if the times comes for it to come out, I won't be so mad. I use to go to Angela and do this, but Angela is far way. It's like 8:30 on Tuesday, so I guess I could call her, but I have to go back to work soon as I'm starting this on my lunch time. You, by no means, have to read this. You can if you want to. I'm just using my blog as an outlet right now.

First let's start with the book I use to teach phonics. Oh my gosh is it awful. I know that it would be better for fire starter than teaching phonics. There is no phonemic awareness. You just dive right into teaching phonics. That's not the best idea. Next, it teaches in the ABC order. This is bad as it not good to start with a vowel. Vowels are hard to teach. It's better to start with a sound that is easy to make. M is good starting point. Next it has a CD, to play and it says the letter sound with it and this is bad too. I was little irritated when I heard the extra sound on the L. I have trouble just making the L sound by itself. Then I got to M, which is the easiest to make without adding anything on to it and it says mu. This is horrible. I really can't conitue to teach it. I understand that I got here two days before I started teaching, and they had to go of what was being done before. If I'm asked to teach the starting phonics again, I'm letting them know that I can't teach using the smart phonics book. I know Christine picked the books being used for Kinder, and on the surface it looks ok. I had another book that was better and asked why we weren't using it and her reply is the parents like it better when it is in order.

Which leads into the next part of rant. Sometimes doing what makes the parent happy isn't the best idea. I understand that we are a hwegoen and parents can take their kids out of our school whenever they like and go to another. I think that we should put what is best for the kids first. My job is teach, not make the parents happy. If a parent wants to know why we are doing something, and the answer is it is the best way for your child to learn, than that's good enough. In fact, that should make them happy, we are putting what is best first. I never liked that answer.

Part three of the rant. We have this new afternoon class. I don't teach it. The parents of three kids in this new class, seem to like the school so much they are going to put their kids in kindergarten. The parents aren't putting them in kindergarten until next month. They want to put them in Pinicchio class, which is Katie's class, but that doesn't make sense. We use the same books for three months and November will be the third. I don't see why they don't have a Erik and Kristin teach them in the two months and then they will be ok to join my class in December. This makes more sense, but once again, that whole make the parent happy comes in. What's best for the kids doesn't seem to really matter, it's the money that matters. I understand they need money to run a school. I also know if the kids are happy and learning then so is the parent.

There I'm done, and I feel better. Like I said early, you didn't have to read this I just need to let something go. If you did thanks.

Japan and back to Anyang

So two big things happened this week. Do you know what they are? First is that I've been here for a month. I've lived in Ayang for a month. Big step. I've never been away from home for a month. It's always been shorter. Kinda amazed that I'm still here. Part of this is my father's fault. There were times when I very much wanted to go and I would e-mail my father. He never said I could come home. Thank you Dad. I'm glad that once I got here, you never offered for me to come home. I just needed to get settled and I think you knew that. The other big event of the week, I got my visa. I'm welcome to stay in Korea for the next year. Big thing.

I only worked two days last week. It's was nice. I enjoyed teaching those two days and had a good time with my kids. I played review games with them and left the books for whoever was going to take my class. I got up early to get a taxi, to take it to the bus station, to get to the airport. Katie and I were sent to Fukuoka. We rushed as fast as we could, in hopes of making it to the Consult before it closed, however they closed at 11:00 and not 12:00. So we walked around the area around the Consult. We saw the Fukuoka Yahoo Dome. The Soft Bank Hawks play there. Then we walked around the mall. When 1:20 rolled around we headed back to the consult. We filled out our paperwork, gave them the number Jessica had given us and they asked for money, so I paid them. They told me to come back after 10:00 the next day. I didn't have to interview. So Katie and I had to find out where our hotelwas, which we had no idea how to find. The guard at the Consult was the least helpful person in the world. We didn't take the subway over to the consult, we got a cab. So we standing on the corner getting ready to start looking for the subway when another Western told us he was heading to the same hotel and knew where the subway was. His name is Daniel. He wasn't as lucky as Katie and I. He didn't get his visa. He is going to L.A. in order to get it. We got to the hotel and go settled in and then Katie and I went off. She asked the hotel which shrine would be the best to go and see and she gave us directions and we went off. It's was long ride, I think it was about an hour. It had a zen garden, and a shrine. It's was really nice, I have pictures. After that we went back to the hotel and meet up with Daniel. We had walked over to the area of Fukuoka and we had dinner. They had little street carts and you sat down and the cooked for you. I pulled out my caramea to take pictures. I had been passing it inbetween the guy cooking and I because he was having problems working it and we dropped in the soup. I was upset. I try very hard not get attached to things. Especially things that can be easily replaced, but I will admit there are two things that if I even think might be near harm, I got worried and if are harmed I get upset. One being my ipod and the other being my caramea. The caramea is died. After dinner we started walk back to the hotel. We looked at things along they way. Some how we had gotten lost. We turned when we really should have gone straight. Oh well. We got up the next morning, had breakfast and then walked around looking at the shrines and zen gardens in the area. At about 1:20, we head back to the consult. I have my visa, it takes up a whole page in my passport. I'll take a picture someday. After that we got lunch and then headed to the airport. That was my trip to Fukuoka.

Friday, I slept in, watched some T.V., and went to the park and read. By watched T.V., I really mean the DVD's I bought. I'm watching Supernatural right now. I really enjoyed laying in the park and reading. I have this blanket that doesn't cover my bed. I can barely fit on it. I brought it to the park that was nearby and laid on that. Saturday, I went to the singles bible study. I had a good time. Pastor gave me a business card for another English baptist church. It's the same subway stop as the other. I'm going to check it out this Sunday. Afterwards we went to dinner and then we went to a bar and played this game called pit. I had fun. So for anybody back home, if you're out and see the card game pit, I would like it. You don't have to send it to me in Korea, you can wait till I get back to give it to me. We made plans to go out together again on Friday. I really like this group of people they are a lot of fun. We talk about a lot stuff. It's good to talk with people who have the same thought about God as you do, but look at life different than you do. Saturday night when I got home, I was feeling a little worn out. I set the alarm to get up for church, but I didn't make it out of bed. I slept in and I'm glad I did. After I got up, sunday morning, I watched some supernatural and then I went to the park again. There is just something about that park it is so peaceful. I brought my devo books and the books I'm reading and spent a good three hours there. We need more park in Phoenix. I think everybody should spend time in park reading. It's good for the soul. Afterwards I had dinner with some Koreans. I was suppose meet up with Mi-Jin, but she had to go to furneral, someone in a friend of hers family had died. Yong Su showed up and said he would take me out. He had Suhyun with him. We went to the resuarant that Shabi Saku Noddles. It was a good food. They bring this big bowl of broth to the table and then they bring a dish of other stuff. There is a burner in the table to heat the broth with. First you put in the mushrooms, after the broth starts to boil you put in the lettece and some other green vegetables. After that you add the meat. When that is all cooked, you eat it. After you eat that you put in the pasta and let that cook. After the pasta is done, they come and make a rice soup. While we were eating Jinho came to join us. We talked as much as we could. It turns out the Yong Su also likes supernatural. We both like Dean but probably for different reasons. Jinho likes baseball. We talked a little about baseball. He has watched the D-backs. Afterwards we went over to a coffee shop and got hot chocolate. There was a festivale at Central park, so we walked over there to see it. They had cake decorating, which made me think of my mom and how much she would have liked to do that. I think my mom and Josh Bear would have a good time decorating a cake. Afterwards we went home. I had a good night and hope to go out with them again.

I talked with my parents this weekend. I was happy I got to hear a dad joke. I was talking with my dad about students. I was telling how Daniel is little wild. I think he is a monkey child. Every year someone gets a monkey child. This year it's me. He is a lot like Angela's Carlos and Eiljah mixed together. I told my dad his Korean name is KeeBop or at least that is what it sounds like to me. My dad maybe his name isn't KeeBop, maybe that's Korean for settle down, quite being a monkey child or I'll bop you. It's always good to hear a dad joke.

It's nice how God plans things. This was long week. Being here a month, getting my visa, dropping my camarea, the mess with my old landlord, and having lots of things to do my friends. I know that packages are own their way. Jodi and Jackie are sending me a package, my parents are sending a package, and I know Kate is working on one. The great part is don't know when any of them will get here. Blessing from God is a lot like these packages. I've been pretty faithful, I known haven't been perfect. It's human to have doubt, but I'm remind that God is faithful and to wait on him and push those doubts and fear aside. I knew coming here would be hard, but the blessings would follow. I juts don't know when I'm going to see all the blessing God has planned. Just like these packages, I know they are coming and just have to wait. Blessing are like packages and these packages are blessings. I haven't found a church to attend yet, but I have a bible study to attend. I have Korean friends. I'm told to be careful, because some Koreans only want to be your friend, so they can have someone who speaks English to talk to, but they are taking me out to good Korean resuarants, so I feel that it is even. Besides they are Christians and think they are good sweet people. Both the Westerners from the bible study and my Korean friends make my heart happy. They are "packages" from God.

I really enjoy being in another part of the world. It's just amazing. America is great place and I'll probably always call it home, but this world is great, I don't understand why anybody would want to stay in America and never leave it. The world is just an amazing place to see. I know that I want to see more. They are great places to go. I haven't really seen enough. Ok, so here's the deal I'll write you if you write me. E-mail your address and I'll e-mail you mine. I'm in one of the greatest parts of the world. I still stand in awe that I'm here.

I've always had trouble understanding this one part of Joseph's story. (Joseph from the old testment.) It's the part after his father had passed and his brothers were scared he would hurt them. They go to him telling him that their father said he shouldn't hurt and Joseph response is this: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." I couldn't see how anything good could ever come out of harm. Especially with all the harm, I just felt. I was really crushed by my principal. When everthings was said and done in June, my only thought was that his goal that school year was to crush me for whatever reason he had. I couldn't think of a reason to cause to me so much harm. I really didn't understand why God would allow so much harm. Those of you that were really close to me, saw how this crushed me. I was really broken. I see the good now. God knew he crush me. I think God knew that by him crushing would be the only to get me to walk away. He had good planned all along. I understand this. Richard threw in a pit and then sold me to Egpyt. God saw that things were good anyways and place me somewhere else. God took me to place of peace. Both literally and furgitively. Anyang is the Korean for peace. I have so much peace since I got here. It's kinda funny. I had live in Anyang before I could recieve. Live in peace and you will recieve peace.

Well, I think I have gone on long enough. I'm glad you take the time to read my blog. I hope that you reading it gives you the blessing that I get by writting. Thank you if you prayed for my visa as it worked because we all know that if I would have had to go to LA, I would have just said send me home.

http://michellespicturesinkorea.shutterfly.com/