Choose the blessings

The week was pretty good. We had science on Friday. It was pretty simple. Two straws, a balloon and a bottle. Daniel and Alice were pretty good. They listened real well. They also had fun with it. On Friday, one of my co-workers made me smile. He is someone, I'm not really sure about. Sometimes, he makes me really upset and irritated. He made a comment about my shirt. It was one of my purple kinder teacher shirts. He said he liked it. Now, I have reason to believe that he didn't really like, however I having a feeling he said it to be nice. I think counts just a much.

I had a choice on Friday on who to have dinner with. I was going over to Pastor and Gayle's house on Friday. I had volunteered to cook lunch for the Single Bible Study. I wanted to make cookies, so I asked Gayle if it would be ok if came over after work. She said it was fine and then asked if I would be there for dinner. I said it would be nice to not have to get dinner on my way up. That was the plan to have dinner there. The school hired three new people and they wanted to have dinner to celebrate them coming. The had planned to have dinner Friday night after work. Now I could change plans and go to Pastor's later, or I could keep my plans. I choose to keep my plans. I just seemed like an easy choice. I can do something that I know would please God or could do something that wasn't against God, but it wasn't for God either. I can tell you that I feel so blessed by my choice to go to Pastor's. I had a good dinner, and talked with wonderful people. I got to bake cookies. Pastor's house has an oven. It's pretty western. I slept in the spare bedroom. It was nice and soft. I also slept well.

Saturday, I got up and had breakfast. I got to sit and talk some more. I cooked lunch. I made mac and cheese. It was pretty good. It's not like back home, but still pretty good. Not many people came to singles. It was probably the smallest I've seen there. They all liked my mac and cheese and my cookies. Jason told me that if I put a plate of mac and cheese and my cookies under box, I should have myself a husband in no time. He even jokingly proposed. Then I called him fat and he broke it off. It's probably for the best, we would have to buy stock in peanut butter and kisses in order to make things work. It was a nice Saturday. Instead of going out to dinner we stayed there and ate what was left of the Mac and cheese. I take this as a good sign because noramlly we head over to Iteawon and eat over there. We stayed in and played pit. Which was fun. Afterwards Jason, Ericia, and I went to the swings. I had a talk with Ericia. I mostly did the talking. I said things that I think I've needed to say out aloud for a while now. I feel like I don't say things out alound until I'm ready to accept them. It felt good to admit, that one reason I left was because of how awful, I felt after resigning, and I need to do some self searching. I also kinda need to step and not get into a relationship that might have happened if I stayed. I'm glad that Ericia was there to talk to. Thanks a bunch Ericia. I needed that. I sat around and talked with Jason, Amber and Crystal for a while. Someone said that it's feels like God is tugging on their heart. Then another thing was said about us being outside and watch the turmoil going on in America and there must be a reason. That God is calling people to this group for a reason. That's something you guys can pray about back home, that we recongize God pulling on our hearts and that he prepare us for whatever He has called us to. I agree that we are all out of America for a reason, but I think that reason has to do with the next steps of God's plans.

Sunday, I went to SIBC. It was nice, they had a missions report. Three men went to India for a Pastor's conference. They had a pinic afterwards. There was lots of food. Mostly what I would find back home at RPBC. It was good to eat. I meet a woman named Pamela. She is from AZ too. She grew up in Phoenix, but they live near Fort Hucuchca. Afterwards I went to Myeon-dong with Sonya. It was nice to walk around and look at all the clothing shops. There was so much to see.

It was a fairly good weekend and I had a good time. I can see the blessings that followed by chosing to go Pastor's house. I think that even if I would have dinner with my work, it would have been a good weekend, but I think it was even better because I did something that was pleasing to God. It was one of those nice happy weekends. I didn't feel any stress. I wasn't upset. I didn't miss the life I left behind. At this point, I know this where I'm suppose to be.

The past week, I've started a little journey. I'd like to call drawing closing to God. I feel God is pulling at my heart, to fix things to do things better. So I started this. I felt there were two people I need to ask them to forgive me. One from a few back in my life. He isn't a Christian and I just wrote a little e-mail asking him to forgive me. His response was that he did forgive me and he hopes that I can forgive him which I have. I wasn't expecting this, as he doesn't believe in God, but God still does things that amaze. Next, I sent an e-mail to someone I had hurt in this past year. I asked him to forgive, and because he was a Christian, I let him that I had forgiven him too. The funny thing is that he's reply was that he didn't know how to respond. I think this shows how much he really believes. I shows me that some of things I thought about him were true. I often that he doesn't really have faith in Jesus and that he was using as a safety net. So I've decided to pray for him. That his faith can grow into what it should be. It's just amazing how the person with no faith in God can be so forgiving and then person who says he is of God isn't forgiving. I thought it might be the other way around. I've been reading a lot on forgivingness, lately. Espically, on me being able to forgive. One thing that every book has said is that when asking for forgiving that the other may not accept it but that doesn't matter. All that matter is that I opened my heart and said I am sorry for doing this. It doesn't matter how the other person respondes. That's for God to take care of and deal. I didn't want to forgive someone because I thought that would make what they did to me right and ok, but I've learned that it doesn't mean that at all. What it is means is that I'm handing it over to God. The hurt and pain and the crushed spirit is now in God's hands. It's for God to deal with. By forgiving, I'm taking the huge stones of hurt and saying here God, you take care of it. I'm allowing God to deal with that person. God is going to take care of the punishment that is due to them for the wrongs they have done.

I have a few others that I need to seek out and ask them to forgive me. For some reason, I'm saving the hardest for last. They are people who have spent many years hurting me. They will probably spend many more years hurting even me. However, I know that I have hurt them too. I know it sounds childish and doesn't make it right, but when I hurt them it is because they hurt me first. I tell my students all them time just because they hit you doesn't mean you should hurt them. However, I do it all the time. These people will lash out at me and I will return the lash. I know this isn't right and I'm going to work on stopping, but it is hard. I have to keep searching. I feel that I have lots to work on before I move forward. I want more than anything for life to be pleasing to my God. I have to make some changes. It won't be easy and I'm sure that it won't be fun either. That is the way with God. Just because you choose to have God in life, it doesn't make it easier, it doesn't make it rainbows and sunshine either. The faith in God makes life better. It's hard for me to explain what it does but it's just different. I know that God gives me what I need to handle each day. God gives just enough for today. Which is why when I'm over exhausted at the end of the day it is because I started to deal with things that were for tomorrow. It is often said that God won't give you more than you can handle and that is true. Most people respond to this with I just wish God didn't trust me so much. I don't feel this way. I'm glad God trusted with things he has trusted me with. I'm honored that God trust enough to do things with me. I 'm glad that God trusted me with building houses in Mexico. I'm glad that God trusted me with taking care of the Mexican people and the groups I worked with over the years. I'm also glad that I did what God wanted me to with these groups of people. I'm glad that God trusted me with two group of kindergarteners in Cartwright Elementary school. I'm glad because if I wouldn't trusted with them, I don't think he would have trusted me with Korean kindergarteners. I glad that He has trusted to take care of the people He has placed in my life. I think on reason He trusts me is because he knows that I will do a good job. I will do my best to take care of them. The next time God hands you something and it seems big and you begin to think I wish God didn't trust me so much, you should praise Him for trusting you enough to handle it. The blessing follow the trusting.